Multitasker Vacay

It's 1:00 on a Tuesday. "Lunch hour". Ha ha.

At this moment, I'm making color-coded signs for the music stands in my percussion section, having an email conversation with a coworker, wolfing down eating lunch, and "watching" Smash on Hulu in the background.
Oh yeah. And writing a blog post.


At night, during "downtime", if I'm doing the dishes, I'm also watching TV, eating, drinking, texting, and checking facebook.

And I can't not do this. I'm a compulsive, serial multitasker.
Just like everybody else, I bet.

If only I had the balance.

Here's yet another story on the evils of doing too many things at once, this one on Time's Techland blog. It sites a study that says doing too many things at once may even impede your short-term memory. Funny, I thought all the coffee, sleep-deprivation, moderate alcohol consumption, and exposure to lawn pesticides did that. Ooh, I could really use some coffee, and - nevermind. There is coffee in front of me, right on the desk. Helloooo, short-term memory. Where'd you go?
Honest-to-God I don't think I could focus on one thing at a time unless I truly had to.

Which is why I really enjoyed a little lark I had this past weekend. Ready for more of my inner geek? Playing horn in the pit of a high school show, I had to be very focused on a task for long stretches. Ok, long-er stretches. That goal: basically, trying not to suck.
Or get kicked in the head by kids who were easing on down the road. Happily, I only failed at one of those goals, and had the bruise on my temple to prove it. Yes, it's like I'm proud of a war wound. What?
Later it occurred to me that, though I was watching the show and texting during the songs I for which I was tacet, it was a very focused experience.

No Multi.
Just Task: Play - and that was it.

I wasn't quite comfortable enough with the music or the situation to really let my mind wander.  And let the multi-car worry train roll by my brain.  It was kind of an exercise in staying in the moment. Keeping on the job. Cause there was a yellow brick road built around the pit and we couldn't get out anyway.
One night, Miss M and E were running around rehearsal.
Yeah... I didn't care. Felt no need to keep even half and eye on them.
Or think about school.
Or my concerts, deadlines, jobs, obligations, the fact that I hadn't put E's liquid fluoride vitamin in her Pediasure in days... nadda.
One job, for a few hours. What a delicious novelty.

However, I'm sure we could find some study somewhere claiming that playing an instrument improves your short-term memory.  The irony I'm enjoying here is because anybody who plays anything will tell you that music is actually a well-honed balance of mental and and physical multi-tasking.  You read, follow, internalize beat and pitch, anticipate, regulate breath and muscle control, blend, react, and adapt to the sound of your own and others' playing.  All simultaneously.
Or at least you make a valiant effort.

Also an option.

But...that's ALL I had to do, pure and simple. Without even trying, there was no multitasking. No diapers or phone calls I really should make in the meantime. Even more beautifully, no other thoughts eeking in to distract.
Coming back from Lala land and realizing this phenomenon, I thought:
How. Cool. Is. THAT?!
Is it lame that I'm finding THIS experience - thinking about one thing for an extended time period - to be kind of profound? Or at least, blog-worthy? Is it a sad commentary on the jumbled state of life and brain? Probably. But I'll only care until I get distracted by something else.

Hmmm, and thinking about that level of refreshingly singular focus...
Is this why people meditate?
Yeah, I couldn't meditate, I would need to be - *cue email sound*
Crap! I forgot to fix the lesson schedule for next week and oh shoot, E's appointment at duPont needs scheduled and I have to label the percussion stands and -
And then I promptly begin doing 4 things at once again.
Of course.
See above.

Happy Birthday, Dear Ellie!

2010:

2011

2012:

Happy Birthday Elliebean!
E's birth story here. Or rather, first month story, since E's first month was, uh, interesting.  I love reading it and thinking 'little did I know...' about several seemingly little issues.
Ok, so her first 6 months were "interesting". 
All the months, every singe one, have been a joy.

Happy birthday to our big toddler!

Why We Do What We Do

"We want the kids to know why Daddy goes to work. He earns money so we can have food and a car and lights."

This is the tangent we've gone off on at my book club one evening. Three of us are stay-at-homers. Two of us are teachers. One of those two isn't comfortable with this discussion.
Psst! It's me. 
I don't like this.
I love my (grown-up, book-clubbing) girls, and our somewhat varied points of view.  And I agree with this concept. Sort of.  We should impress upon our kids why Daddy has to be away from us all day (to earn money), and that life (from your TV shows to your sneaks to your dinosaur-shaped nuggets) is not free.  My "Um, yeah, but NO!" reaction, which I don't voice that night because I already know I'll whine about it in blogworld, isn't because I disagree. Heck yeah, kids should learn this, when they're old enough. Miss M could use a dose of this medicine, since she either thinks the family dining out budget is infinite, or that the diner is free.
BUT... you know me and where I'm going here...


WHY's it gotta be DADDY who we're appreciating? It's too patriarchal for me - oh aren't we all so grateful to Daddy, our benevolent caretaker, for providing for us? Yes, I know that's not how it's meant. But it runs the giant risk of putting Daddy on a pedestal where he is unreachable for things like cleaning up puke and getting up with crying babies...and likewise, unapproachable for day to day emotional needs of his babies as they grow. Sorry, there's a bra-burning chick stuck inside me and she was born in the wrong era. Tolerate her and read on.

Most daddies I know are very accessible to their munchkins, whether mommy also works out of the home, or not. And by the way: if you're a full-time stay-at-homer, oh my gawd do you work, too.

Heh. Dig the Mom Jeans. I'd hike mine that high her her place, too, for fear they'd fall down.

Tacked onto the definitely necessary educational speech about Happy Meals costing money should be the knowledge that Mommy cares for you all day, ties your shoes, taxis you around endlessly, and by gum that's freakin' draining a service for which a lot of people pay a lot of money.

Coming in the same deluge of reality should be an understanding that, no matter what your situation, both parents work, assuming you've got two parents in your house. If you don't, you are elevated to super-human status in my eyes. Seriously. How are you not an alco/coffee-holic? If you work outside the home, your children are obviously aware that you're disappearing to somewhere all day too. Yes, you earn the bread and bring home the bacon too. BUT...

This brings my crazytrain of thought into the next station:

This is not why I go to work.

Ok, it is.  And if we had planned our lives so it would be financially feasible for hubby could take the next 10 years off his career and stay home with our girls, he would.
I wouldn't. But we already knew all that.

I'm hoping I find a way to impress upon my girls the value of having something in your life that brings you joy. A fervent wish of mine is that M and E have the drive and talent to go get careers (not jobs) that they like to do. And if their work doesn't spark their inner flame? I hope their job allows them the resource of time and money needed to incorporate something else in their lives that says "fulfillment".
OUTSIDE the home.

Not that I want them to think that family and home life isn't quite enough.
Many times it isn't, for me, but I love them no less that a parent who chooses to stay home. Home is key. It's your your base, your tonic chord, your stable running board pointed toward all that's out there in the big, big world.
Even this school year, in new and (shall we politely say) different situation, I still get to go do something every day that brings me joy.
And I get to play my horn - this is my thing that I've taken back from that crazy-busy-mommy world that puts an end to all pursuits of your own - and getting it back is so good. It takes time away from my family, some times, but it's mine.
AND, hello, I also write this nonsense when I have time. Which is next to never, clearly. But it makes me feel good.
And it has nothing to do with money, bills, or having the money to pay for a candybar at the checkout counter.

I know life doesn't allow everybody a job they love. But you can want more or your kids; I hope so much them to get to take it a step further. I'm sure most people do. But I just wanted it sorted out and said.

My girls: Your job, or your hobby after your job, the reason you're away or practicing, or bent over the computer, or whatever, shouldn't be just about the money. Yes, life costs money, but life itself can be enriched by what you do while you're earning it.

Merry...whatever.

Festive, not frantic, right?

I proclaim Christmas 2011 to be 'Procrastination Christmas'.

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Yes, I'm aware that it's almost the end of January and I'm doing a Christmas post. 

What? This is a tale bullet list of procrastination and adjustment.

Sorry, THAT is how we roll at La Famiglia.
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Ok, hear me out. In the month of December...

• We had more than double the usual performances, including a few on the same days/nights.
• I took forty-two 4th and 5th graders to sing in a big mall in the big city. And I was sooooo not ok with me being the only certified, authoritative body in a sea of hyper kids and a few very patient mommy chaperons.  
• I finally settled into teaching what I'm teaching for the year. Why'd I take so long? It's a long annoying story. Of course the first week back in 2012 we had to fill out forms requesting what we want to teach next year. 
• Speaking of, hubby interviewed for and was offered a new job in a new district - he'll be leaving his old everything-music-teacher job soon to be a Band Director. This is his 5th school district in nine years. But, nine school years and five districts later, he finally gets to be what he wanted to be when he grew up.
• E got 5 teeth and the sweet disposition of a baby getting 5 teeth to match that. Lots of plate-hurling at dinner. Keeps your reflexes fast.
•  M tested the limits of Santa's "Nice List" in new and dangerous ways.

This resulted in the various ways I slacked off, let things go, screwed up, and had a really awesome Christmas despite/because of it:

• My big kid went to school in carefully selected pajamas, with a beautiful little bow to match... a week after her school had PJ day. She was absolutely thrilled. 
• I received many lovely teacher gifts, more than ever...and yet managed zero hand-written thank-you cards to my lovely students. I did send emails to parents. To some. Yes, I still feel bad. Especially when I use a new Dunkin Donuts gift card. Bless you, children.
• Turns out Miss M did NOT have school the 23rd.  Oops. Missed the opportunity to buy and send her teacher the traditional teacher gift. Which, being teachers, we should know is very nice to receive. Nothing to do with greasing the wheels at all! We planned to send a New Year's gift the first day back. Oops.  Maybe for Valentine's she'll get a nice "sorry we missed Christmas" gift card. If we think of it.
• I used to do 99% of the Christmas shopping myself. This year? Most of our shopping was done online, by my husband. And he did a really good job.
• In past years I started the Christmas shopping the day after Turkey Day. I always had a budget and a spreadsheet, thanks to the hubby. The year I was pregnant with  Miss M I had it all done before she was born (3 days before Thanksgiving.) This year? I ordered our last Christmas present to family on January 2nd. 
• Our elf-on-the-shelf moved every night last year, observing Miss M and keeping her on her toes. This year? "Mommy he must be very comfortable up there, he hasn't moved since last week!"

Oh yeah, and we had an awesome Christmas. Emergency stops for teething rings, and all.

I fully intend to slack off as least this much next year. It was beautiful.

3 years of schmarm and turkey comics

2009:

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

We hope everybody has a lovely day of Turkey-Goodness.

Just a few of our many blessings for which we are ever Thankful:

Our beautiful girls, and the joy they bring us daily.

Our loving and funny family; full of warmth, generosity, and just a pinch of bizarre, they are always there for us.

Those bag-clip snappy things from Ikea that have simplified kitchen life.

Fold-down seats in the mini-van.

Healthcare reform.

The Daily Show.

YouTube.

Christmas Music.

Bob's new job, and the ability we both have to go to work and do something we love.

A-1 sauce (this is more a Meg thing).

"Cool Cars" (Mario Kart Wii).

A country where being born white and rich isn't a prerequisite for being president.

Students who practice.

Sandra Boynton books. Ooooh, snuggle puppy of mine...

Weekend mornings spent in jammies.

Mulan, because she can kick the other princess's @$$!

National Public Radio.

Pumpkin Spice Coffee creamer.

2010:

• For bulleted lists.
• For a potty-trained kid.
• For a heart-healthy baby.
• For knowing that there are far more good people in the world than bad.
• For the random child who hugs a random teacher "just cause".
• For people who love my kids as I do.
• For fabulous books and the time to read (some of) them.
• For a husband who is even more than the sum of his "Dad", "Husband", "Teacher", "Friend", "Love of My Life" labels. 
• For meeting so many good people who heap love on sick kids as much as do their mothers.
• For teachers who think about their students as if they were their own kids.
• For cheese of all varieties. 
• For showing my youngest snow on Thanksgiving morning while her sister twirls in it, outside, in her jammies.

2011:

All of the above, pretty much, and just a few additions:

1. From preparing ridiculous amounts of stuffing, to teaching instrumental music: for being able to branch out and try something new.
2. Friends and family who love and put up with us support us through old and new endeavors. 
3. Improved health and happiness for a lot of people I know, including my own little family.
4. My own little family, and for PBS kids being on TV Thanksgiving morning.
5. Oooh, I gotta have 5? I'm going right back to that Pumpkin Spice creamer. 

Thank Goodness.

And just because it's wrong:

This is why I will make the stuffing, but not the turkey.

Happy Birthday, Dear Maddie

2006

2007

2008

2009

2010

Happy Birthday, big 5 year-old!

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Miss M's Birth Story post on our old blog is here.  I've had friends read it and later smack me up side the head for not going to the hospital sooner, but other than that, I'm pretty darn proud of the post, the night, and so very proud of the kiddo herself.

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Happy Birthday, my sweet girl!

5 Love Languages and Other Stuff We Didn't Learn

We got a photo-copied section of this book for our "Premarital Counseling" with the pastor who married us.

I think it was his idea of couples pre-therapy.  I also think it's pretty lame.

It's a bit of a Men are From Mars thing, with a quiz.  And who doesn't love a good internet quiz? Sorry, I just usually don't go in for these self-help, "you're a _____, let's categorize and interpret you" things. People are multi-faceted; they grow and change. Most people I know don't fit under these nice little labels that are supposed to save your marriage or help you communicate and live happily ever yadda yadda yadda.  God knows hubby and I don't fit the Women are from Venus molds.  Not that he's all Venetian.  But the boy CAN cook...
However, the goal of this text is inherrently nice: You two are different people, you think differently, you communicate differently, and different things makes you feel loved. Let's figure that out.
We took that test with photocopies and pencils, 8 years ago. I got the same results yesterday, on the fancy online version.
So here's what I got:

Yes, I'm pretty touchy-feely. What? Shut up! 
Bob's result was pretty much the same. I think he had less in the "acts of service" category. Thank goodness, cause I took out the trash for the first time in our marriage this past week.
Now, lucky for the little cheapskate that I married,  I've never cared a bit about getting presents from him. You know the song, "You Don't Bring Me Flowers"?  Flowers? Why do you want flowers? You have to find a vase, remember to keep filling up the water, then they wilt and before you know it two weeks later they start to stink...


Here's what the guys who are trying to sell you the 5 Love Languages book are saying about Physical Touch:

Yep, that sounds about right. Tickling, however, is unforgivable. Back. Away. Slowly. Tickling me, that is. Tickle Bob all you like, he laughs like the Pillsbury Doughboy with helium in his asthma inhaler.
Knowing that we already understood all that about each other kind of made the whole next step of 'learning each other's language for better communication' pretty useless.  I think we may have foiled the pastor's plans. Oops. We did not, however, get to skip the next 3 sessions of premarital counseling. Go fig. 


As it turns out, there's also a test for children.  This I found more interesting. I can already forsee communication issues with me and the big one, as she grows.  Because we're both always right, naturally.


Guess what Miss M's Love Language is?

But I knew that. "Play with me. Mommy you never play with me.  You said we'd go to the park. You said we'd play Trouble. Mommy, when are you going to play with me?"  ... !

Actually, I was predicting "Receiving Gifts", but that could be because 1. she's a kid and kids don't have it in them not to be greedy sometimes, and 2. her birthday is this weekend, followed by Santa Claus the Christmas season.

Working parents can have a hard time providing quality time enough for children who don't have an especially deep need for large chunks of your attention.  Throw in another child, other jobs, dishes, phones, homework, and life in general... and we have a challenge on our hands. But we like a challenge, right?
That said, it's helpful to have it spelled out for me like that: "Mads likes you to hang out with her as much as possible, ok?"

...ok.
So maybe the book isn't total cheese.

Wondering what others find out. 

Click here if you want to take the test yourself. 

(You can click "skip this step" so as not to give our your email.)

Click here for the test designed for children.

Wondering if others actually manage to get their spouses and children to take the 20 question test! 

I couldn't get through it without mocking, but maybe your significant other will have more luck. 

Good luck with the kids. I'd give 'em a piece of candy for every question they answer, then send them off to your spouse. "Daddy/Mommy said she wants to spend some 'quality time' with you!"