Dear Weight Watchers,
Ok. I'm on board.
But just so we're clear, I will not be that woman in the lunch room with a freakin' calculator.
I will not be asking anybody how many points I think the cafeteria cookie is going to cost me. I will not be discussing our little PointsPlus tracking time with people I don't know well. I will flush red when I discuss it at all. We don't talk about this stuff, my people. We just eat the cookie. And get on the treadmill later. Usually.
Ok. I'm on board.
But just so we're clear, I will not be that woman in the lunch room with a freakin' calculator.
I will not be asking anybody how many points I think the cafeteria cookie is going to cost me. I will not be discussing our little PointsPlus tracking time with people I don't know well. I will flush red when I discuss it at all. We don't talk about this stuff, my people. We just eat the cookie. And get on the treadmill later. Usually.
Just so we understand that.
Love,
Me.
Love,
Me.
Thursday August 4, 2011
Dear Weight Watchers,
Let's talk about this "edit profile" business.
You ask us to select our favorite this and that, and "favorite sport" is among the choices we must make. Then, presumably, you'll display our choices in our profile, so all the other poor souls here on WW can see who else needs to lose weight but also happens to like ice hockey.
Favorite sport? If I was an avid sport-playing enthusiast, what would be the odds that I'd even be here in the first place?
You do realize that 90% of the people I know who "like sports" actually like WATCHING SPORTS ON TV, FROM A RECLINER, preferably with a bag of chips.
Does that count? They watch baseball from their basement, they get to pick it here? I don't think that's fair, Weight Watchers. Can "30 Rock" be a sport?
Why do sports viewers get an option on that drop-down list, while I, who simply have no desire to "like sports" while eating chips, get to select nothing?
Oh, wait, sorry. That "other", is that for me?
So people can assume I like curling or badminton?
Good call. Cause as it was, being on Weight Watchers was making me waaaay too cool.
Love,
Me.
Dear Weight Watchers,
Let's talk about this "edit profile" business.
You ask us to select our favorite this and that, and "favorite sport" is among the choices we must make. Then, presumably, you'll display our choices in our profile, so all the other poor souls here on WW can see who else needs to lose weight but also happens to like ice hockey.
Favorite sport? If I was an avid sport-playing enthusiast, what would be the odds that I'd even be here in the first place?
You do realize that 90% of the people I know who "like sports" actually like WATCHING SPORTS ON TV, FROM A RECLINER, preferably with a bag of chips.
Does that count? They watch baseball from their basement, they get to pick it here? I don't think that's fair, Weight Watchers. Can "30 Rock" be a sport?
Why do sports viewers get an option on that drop-down list, while I, who simply have no desire to "like sports" while eating chips, get to select nothing?
Oh, wait, sorry. That "other", is that for me?
So people can assume I like curling or badminton?
Good call. Cause as it was, being on Weight Watchers was making me waaaay too cool.
Love,
Me.
Dear Weight Watchers,
You? You are not invited for Thanksgiving. Or Christmas.
I'm sorry to be harsh, but I feel that we should set the parameters of this relationship early on, so as to avoid confusion and/or guilt.
Love,
Me.
Dear Weight Watchers,
I so love the part of your program that assigns no "Plus points" or whatever you call them, to fruits and veggies. I could just sit here and eat blueberries all day. Right after I run to the bathroom because all this fiber is completely foreign to my digestive system.
Thanks.
Love,
Me.
Dear Weight Watchers,
Let's talk about these "Activity Points" you're granting us. The ones that you can spend before you start attacking your extra, "weekly" (splurge) points. I'm sure they're not intended to be earned simply so we can eat more. Perish the thought. I'm sure we're supposed to track our activity to encourage us to be more physically fit, and make us aware of just how much exercise our daily lives are giving us.
Yeah, I'm just going to think of them as penance.
Like, "Eat a Poptart, do the elliptical for 45 minutes. And say three 'Hail Mary's."
Love,
Me.
Dear Weight Watchers,
I. Am. Still. Hungry.
Love,
Me.
PS - NO, I do not want an effing carrot.
Dear Weight Watchers,
Again, about the activity points:
Let's look at the various ways we can earn them:
"Aerobics, low-impact"
"Walk/Run, low-impact"
"Childrens' Games; hopscotch, foursquare..."
"Hacky Sack"
... really? Hacky sack?
May I suggest the following additions?
- Chasing dog who has slipped leash.
- Walking through house bent over, scooping up toys (low impact?)
- Wrestling and pinning down toddler during diaper changes (high impact)
Where is "walking to fridge, opening fridge, realizing you're not supposed to eat anything else because you're out of points, walking back to couch"?
Where is "sprinting down hallway to your classroom because you forgot you rescheduled a class that is currently lined up at your door with an impatient teacher"?
Where is "carrying double-stacked baskets of laundry up steps while maintaining balance"?
Um, WW? Where's... *ahem!* Well, where is "it"?
No? Fine. Clearly, you're doing it wrong.
Where is "Getting up from your chair a thousand times a meal to get something for whichever kid needs it?"
Just some additions to consider, WW.
Love,
Me.
Wednesday, August 10th, 2011
Dear Weight Watchers,
What's up with not assigning any points for A1 sauce?You sure you want to do that? Cause Me? I can eat a lot of A1 sauce.
Love,
Me.
What's up with not assigning any points for A1 sauce?You sure you want to do that? Cause Me? I can eat a lot of A1 sauce.
Love,
Me.
What...?
How many points, do you think?
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