Wednesday, May 25, 2011

In Response to Blog: "Is Your Spouse Your Best Friend?"

Original post by blogger Angella.
This is what happens when you start to comment on a post and can't stop.

Unequivocal YES.

I do see where critics of this situation might be coming from; trouble could arise if your (healthy, complete, fabulous) relationship with your husband is your only true closeness with another adult human being. At some point, you will have to tap another resource for a sympathetic ear, or an outside perspective. Or girl talk.  One person can't be your be-all and end-all for every aspect of your life, all the time.
You could run the risk of draining them dry, or talking them deaf.
And me? I love to chat
Ask my Best Friend.

The Little Project and her fun-filled first year left little room for frivolous things like friends.  And television, reading, or personal interests beyond keeping the house from falling down.  Then there was the fun of school budget cuts and job-changing; talk about drained! I had no time or desire left for social engagements or cultivation of non-familial relationships.  I should definitely mention that for many years I've been lucky enough to have some fabulous work friends with whom I must make a point of connecting with out of work more often!  Other than that?  Friends? Eh. Busy! Ok, maybe on facebook.
All that time, I never felt deprived. Hubby fits me so well, I didn't notice a gap.

However, I'm rediscovering the beauty of conversing with amazing, admirable women who are walking similar paths as I, in different sandals.  And I do love the girl talk.  So as not to be thought sexist, I'll add that now and then I get to count an admirable man,usually a Daddy or teacher buddy, as a friend, and I love that too.  As long as I need not feign interest in sports.  Or be mocked when I drink a beer and get bright red cheeks. In both cases, the extra fun and validation as a friend, mom, woman, teacher, you name it, is priceless.
So too are the extra-marital friends (wait, that sounds wrong...), be they old friends from years ago, co-workers, or parenting compatriots.

Hubby isn't the social butterfly I am; I won't befriend just anyone, but I'll sure as heck chat them up.  And like Angella, I don't at all feel that my crazy, near-telepathic connection to my husband inhibits my connecting with kindred spirits on other levels.
Honestly, I think the spouse/Best Friend role is in a different category than that of the traditional  Best Friend(s).  Like "snow" in the Inuit language, there should be completely separate terms for the two.

Husband has been and remains always my first "I have to tell ____" person.  I think he should be. He is my consultant, my sounding board, and absolutely the Best Friend I could have wished for. I've written a handful of times about how I've hit the Husband and BabyDaddy jackpot.
If my friend-obsessed, teenager self could see me now? I like to think she'd be darn happy with my circumstances, all around.

But I can understand why someone might be concerned about having only one bucket to pour your heart out into.
Hubby has a lot of his own heart to carry!

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