Thank God my big one has the attention span of a hummingbird and my little one only understands about one third of what we say. My problem: too much TV, unchecked sarcasm, and the awareness that they're probably not hearing me anyway. I hope.
Yes, karma will get me good. But till then... a few of my Smart-Mouthed Mommy Gems:
- Miss M asks if it's ok to marry a prince.
What I should have said: "That's a lovely dream, dear, but Daddy and I just want you to be happy."
What I said: "Oh good, an rich, in-bred putz for a son in-law."
- We are on our way to Bob's grandmother's nursing home. Miss M asks why.
What I should have said: "Because we love her and we want to visit with her."
What I said: "Because we love her and I'm hoping it's good karma for when your kids can choose whether they'll visit me."
- E is standing, clinging to the coffee table, desperately straining to reach the remote.
What I should have said: "Let me move it a little closer to encourage you! You can do it, sweetie!"
- I requested that Miss M go get the mail from the mailbox at the end of the driveway while I stand inside in my PJs and "assist" from there. She complains that it's "too much to carry!".
What I should have said: "Just do your best, darling, I'm so happy you're helping me."
What I said: "You know that kids your age were working in mills not that long ago, right?"
- It's 10:00 PM, and Bob and I finally have some time to-ge-ther, just the two of us. And Miss M wakes up yelling. I go to her, but we were butting heads that day and she says, "No, I like Daddy better."
What I should have said, "I know you're still angry and tired. I'll give you a hug and go get Daddy."
What I said (under my breath, I swear): "Yeah, well right now? I guarantee Daddy likes me better." ;-)
What do the 'experts' say?
"They're listening to every word you say"
"Every minute they're hardwiring for life."
Hey, if you can't have a little fun with this parenting thing, then what IS the point?
Comment/fb/or tell me your child-directed oneliners. Surely I'm not the only one.