Wednesday, November 16, 2011

5 Love Languages and Other Stuff We Didn't Learn

We got a photo-copied section of this book for our "Premarital Counseling" with the pastor who married us.

I think it was his idea of couples pre-therapy.  I also think it's pretty lame.

It's a bit of a Men are From Mars thing, with a quiz.  And who doesn't love a good internet quiz? Sorry, I just usually don't go in for these self-help, "you're a _____, let's categorize and interpret you" things. People are multi-faceted; they grow and change. Most people I know don't fit under these nice little labels that are supposed to save your marriage or help you communicate and live happily ever yadda yadda yadda.  God knows hubby and I don't fit the Women are from Venus molds.  Not that he's all Venetian.  But the boy CAN cook...
However, the goal of this text is inherrently nice: You two are different people, you think differently, you communicate differently, and different things makes you feel loved. Let's figure that out.
We took that test with photocopies and pencils, 8 years ago. I got the same results yesterday, on the fancy online version.
So here's what I got:

Yes, I'm pretty touchy-feely. What? Shut up! 
Bob's result was pretty much the same. I think he had less in the "acts of service" category. Thank goodness, cause I took out the trash for the first time in our marriage this past week.
Now, lucky for the little cheapskate that I married,  I've never cared a bit about getting presents from him. You know the song, "You Don't Bring Me Flowers"?  Flowers? Why do you want flowers? You have to find a vase, remember to keep filling up the water, then they wilt and before you know it two weeks later they start to stink...

Here's what the guys who are trying to sell you the 5 Love Languages book are saying about Physical Touch:

Yep, that sounds about right. Tickling, however, is unforgivable. Back. Away. Slowly. Tickling me, that is. Tickle Bob all you like, he laughs like the Pillsbury Doughboy with helium in his asthma inhaler.
Knowing that we already understood all that about each other kind of made the whole next step of 'learning each other's language for better communication' pretty useless.  I think we may have foiled the pastor's plans. Oops. We did not, however, get to skip the next 3 sessions of premarital counseling. Go fig. 

As it turns out, there's also a test for children.  This I found more interesting. I can already forsee communication issues with me and the big one, as she grows.  Because we're both always right, naturally.

Guess what Miss M's Love Language is?

But I knew that. "Play with me. Mommy you never play with me.  You said we'd go to the park. You said we'd play Trouble. Mommy, when are you going to play with me?"  ... !
Actually, I was predicting "Receiving Gifts", but that could be because 1. she's a kid and kids don't have it in them not to be greedy sometimes, and 2. her birthday is this weekend, followed by Santa Claus the Christmas season.

Working parents can have a hard time providing quality time enough for children who don't have an especially deep need for large chunks of your attention.  Throw in another child, other jobs, dishes, phones, homework, and life in general... and we have a challenge on our hands. But we like a challenge, right?
That said, it's helpful to have it spelled out for me like that: "Mads likes you to hang out with her as much as possible, ok?"

So maybe the book isn't total cheese.

Wondering what others find out. 
(You can click "skip this step" so as not to give our your email.)
Wondering if others actually manage to get their spouses and children to take the 20 question test! 
I couldn't get through it without mocking, but maybe your significant other will have more luck. 
Good luck with the kids. I'd give 'em a piece of candy for every question they answer, then send them off to your spouse. "Daddy/Mommy said she wants to spend some 'quality time' with you!"

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