Every Mommy Blogger has probably done this post.
But whatever, I'm not made of ideas over here.
And I too LOVE Alexander.
Disclaimer: I am amazingly blessed. Crazy-lucky. I should be posting that my life 99% rocks, not whining about one bad morning.
That said...who doesn't need a good cathartic kvetch session now and then?
"I went to sleep with with gum in my mouth and now there's gum in my hair."
(Ok, unlike Alex, I didn't, and there isn't. But there were gloomy, sticky thoughts in my head upon waking up on this busy Thursday at 5:30 AM, that's for darn sure.)
When I got out of bed I tripped on the dog and like every weekday I had to go exercise on that elliptical torture device right then and I hate exercise and I ran out of Big Bang Theory episodes on DVD to watch while I exercise and Bob overslept so we were running late and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
At breakfast not only did I have to make everybody's breakfast, but I also had to set out paints and paper for Miss M to make Mother's Day cards for the Great-Grandmothers because apparently everybody calls their grandmother "Grandma" so I couldn't find any suitable cards for our great-grandmothers of various titles and so I had the brilliant idea that I'd have her make them, mail them, and be done with it. No, I did not think about the fact that the paint wouldn't dry before I left. No, I did not think of using crayons. Do I look like an Art teacher to you? Miss M wanted to paint before I had the stuff (and breakfast) ready, and proceeded throw a 0 to 60 meltdown because I had gotten out finger paints instead of water colors.
I think I'll move ot Australia. Or Germany. Germany was cool.
I got dressed and Bob started getting the stuff for the Meltdown Kid, giving her what she was crying for (or something) and I got annoyed that he was rewarding her for throwing a fit. Then I got really annoyed that we were running late and he was worrying about paint and we started bickering in general about encouraging meltdowns and running late and why I thought we shouldn't send Mothers' day cards to great-grandparents because we already do Grandparents' Day cards. We were then all-out fighting and we almost never fight unless I'm backseat-driving (and driving him crazy) and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
Again, going to Australia. Or Greece.
I gave up on the cards and still managed to forget to comb Miss M's hair.
I left late despite getting no usual morning stuff done, having had no nice breakfast table family time, and I love nice breakfast family time.
I was on my way to my Thursday school, and I hate certain aspects of my Thursday school, including having to haul baskets of early childhood instruments around because often these instruments go crashing and spilling all over my van and I find them under the seats after I needed them in class.
Traffic was ridiculous and I ended up being late.
I turned a sharp corner and my basket of egg shakers and my basket of finger cymbals went crashing and spilling all over my van. Again.
I had to crawl into the backseats, pick up the instruments, and pray I'd gotten enough out from under my seats so that each kid could still have one all at once and that meant I was later still, and my Thursday school leaves you with the feeling that your every screw-up is being watched like a screwing-up hawk.
These. Completely covering the floor of my car. Hooray, how colorful.
I discovered that I had a stain on my shirt, exactly on my right, uh, chest.
How appropriate and stylish.
I went to set up the stage (I teach on the spacious stage and love it because it sure as heck beats Kindergarten bodies bumping into each other for 50 minutes in their classrooms) and found that it was covered in tables and those tables were covered with flowers, and nobody had bothered to tell me that my "classroom" was now the Mothers' Day Flower Sale room. I know who booked that, and didn't tell me, and I hope that person sits on a tack or has their ice cream cone fall, or whatever other evils Alexander wished on his ex-best friend Paul.
I discovered that I'd forgotten about my iPod. Who needs an iPod? (Well, I do, usually, because I like my lesson to flow without CD-shuffling or track-finding.)
I couldn't find any friends there who weren't teaching and I had the urge to seek a little friend humor/sympathy via text message when I realized that I don't have any friends who are on a conversational-text-whenever basis with me, who wouldn't also be teaching at that time and wow, my circle of friends is narrow. I really wanted somebody to talk to, who would get it, so I could say that "I am having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day." But I couldn't, so of course, no one even answered.
I discovered that I had another stain on my shirt, this time on the left side.
I left my phone in the Band and Orchestra room and I was stuck down in Kindergarten for two classes in a row so I couldn't text my hubby and tell him that I was so sorry that I'd been the queen of the you-know-whats that morning and that I missed him.
A boy in one of my Kindergartens had apparently bathed in $2 cologne that morning, and though I never get aggravated by that stuff, it hit me like a ton of brick histamines and I could barely stop coughing enough to teach and then my throat hurt like crazy from the coughing.
I heard from teacher friends that all teachers in my district are not going to find out what our (potentially drastically) different assignments for next year will be until next Friday, the 13th, at exactly 1:30, and yes, they mean it, no leaks this time. I know I am so very lucky to have an assignment for next year, but seriously?
I am going to lose my mind waiting for next Friday at 1:30.
The teacher's lunchroom was empty during my lunch at 10:20 (Yes, 10:20, that way I can be on the playground for my other "important" job, see below!), and I hate eating by myself, so I ate like a sad sack in my car so I could at least listen to the radio.
The teachers all got an hour lunch for Teacher Appreciation Week, except I couldn't take one because certain people wanted me out on the playground for "organized Music games" and all I could think was that next Thursday, instead of the playground for an hour and fifteen freakin' minutes of glorified lunch duty, I would love to go to Australia.
And actually, the rest of the day was fine.
With the exception of the cologne smell in the Kindergarten room.
So that's why it was just a Very Bad "Morning".
I got home, my family had a quick & easy dinner, cleaned up, and had a lovely evening playing on the front lawn.
Again, I'm a very lucky girl, and I really have no need to move to Australia.
On the other hand, WOW did a sucky morning like that catch me off guard.
But some mornings are like that. Even in Germany, or Greece, or Australia.