Warning: there's poop in this story.

Excerpt from actual email to the hubby, yesterday morning:

Hey,

So right after you left, little Miss Constipated started straining again, so I decided to "help" her by taking her temperature. Worked like a charm. So she was happily doing her business and I just covered her butt end with a diaper and stood there. I was not holding her, but I was standing right next to her. I believe I was singing the "What's a Baby Doin'?" song, ironically. Then, without warning, the changing table pad & support under it dropped out from under her and the back left corner fell in. The wood rail on the side split and the PIECE OF FREAKIN' CARDBOARD that was supporting her fell through and ripped. Where was the metal rail that was underneath??? No idea, never found it. She went tumbling down and slid into the back left corner. She was left reclining on a steep backward angle with her feet flailing over her head, which was against the back left leg of the table on the next level down. Meanwhile, she was mid-poop (and a rough poop it was). So, yes, there was poop hanging out of her butt at that point. Without thinking, I screamed, swore, and scooped her - poop, diaper, and all - and put her in the crib. She was fine, just a little more wide-eyed than usual.
There was poop on my hands (but nowhere else, surprisingly!) and I was horrified. Not by the poop.
Your mom says we can buy particle board and cut it to fit the hole, nail it to the frame, and the changing table will be fine. I want to find that metal support rail and nail it back in, too.
So then I did Maddie's hair in piggy tails (her request), told your mom what happened, and left the house.
That was the 15 minutes from when you left for work until I left for work.
Nice.
Love you.