Tuesday, June 22, 2010

It's OK, I'm with the band.

We are ever band geeks. Hard core. Proud members of The Pride of the Valley, the Marching 100, '99 - '01. Bob was drum major for 2 years. And WOW did I think that was H-O-T! I marched, badly, in the melly line. And worked as band manager for one year...slightly less badly. We are still sporting an LVC Band sticker on our minivan. That's how hard-core.

Remember when, LVCers? The stunning former uniform showing here, on some poor band student I sort of think I maybe knew. But we all look alike, so this could be anybody's saxophone dude. He's modeling the stunning "V" uniforms that would have looked ridiculous on your mom's toy soldier Christmas ornament. And eating a crappy dining hall sugar cookie they only brought out for events that parents attended.

Poor kid. Puffed sleeves, spats, and the chicken feather hat. I'm sorry, I know they got new uniforms recently, but I'm waxing nostalgic. Back in the day this just took "geek" to a whole new, fabulous level. You suffered for your geekdom in polyester glory.

Handsome Hubby is heading back to the wonderful world of BAND next school year. Middle school, so no high school no-life-in-Fall schedule, thank God. He looooves his current position as Resident Music Tech Dude, but he is excited to return to his roots. I'm thinking of doing something in honor of HH's newfound job (THANK YOU, powers that be...and Dave at WT, for giving him the head's up about the position. I should send you a ham or something. You rock.). So here: have a classic band/music humor compilation. No, this stuff does not get old. *sigh* I miss band. I wore it like a badge of pride, particularly after I heard one snobby classmate actually call a friend of mine "band geek", as if the label could possibly be insulting. Your point, blondie? Hold on, I have to go tune my mellophone. Once a band geek, always a band geek. And you know what they say about band geeks.

Q:Why were flutes invented?
A: To hit the person on the right
.

Q:Why were trumpets invented?
A:To make people go deaf.


A drum kit falls of a cliff . . . . . Badump bump!!

Q: How do you get a musician off of your porch?
A: Just pay him for the pizza, he'll go away on his own.


Q: How can you tell which kid on the playground is the child of a trombonist?
A: They don't know how to use the slide and can't swing.

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Knock Knock

WHO'S THERE?

Knock Knock
WHO'S THEEEERE?!?

Beethoven.

"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant."You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter." "Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"

Q: What's the difference between an Uzi and a drumline solo?
A: The Uzi stops after 20 rounds.

A jazz musician dies and goes to heaven. He is told "Hey man, welcome! You have been elected to the Jazz All-Stars of Heaven--right up there with Satchmo, Miles, Django, all the greats. We have a gig tonight. Only one problem--God's girlfriend gets to sing."

Q: Did you hear about the trumpet player who locked his keys in the car?
A: It took three hours to get him out.

Q: What do sousaphone players use for birth control?
A: Their personalities

A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C
and the G have an open fifth between them.

After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not
sharp enough.

A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second."

An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a
B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."

The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender
(who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This
could be a major development."

This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural.

Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest.

The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without
Coda at an upscale correctional facility.

On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are
bassless.

The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything
has become alto much treble, he needs a rest - and closes the bar.


Band Wars: If George Lucas had been a Band geek

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2 comments:

Brenda said...

This one time at band camp...someone fell while marching and dented a brand new melly.... LOL:)

Megymelly said...

Yeah, I still claim that was not my fault. Who was it who said, "Bust out?"

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